Why We Shouldn’t Go to War in Mexico
Just read an interesting article about the recent closure of the U.S. consulate in Juarez from the private intelligence company STRATFOR, based in Austin, Texas and run by political scientist George Friedman[1]. Here’s a basic summary of what Scott Stewart at STRATFOR thinks is going down. I gotta say, it makes sense.
So the recent car bombing was supposedly the Juarez cartel‘s attempt to draw the DEA/FBI’s attention to allegations that the head of Chihuahua State’s intelligence service is in bed with their rival cartel, Sinaloa. There have been rumors that elements of President Calderon’s administration are in bed with Sinaloa, and that the “drug war” is really just a way to knock out Sinaloa’s rivals and give it a monopoly over drug trade into the U.S.
As a result, the Juarez cartel murdered consulate workers, detonated a car bomb, and threatened to blow up the consulate in order to goad the U.S. into intervening in Mexico. They figure the U.S. will go to town on *all* the cartels, including and especially Sinaloa, and thus reduce Sinaloa’s power. But it can’t push the U.S. *too* hard by doing something like murdering a top diplomat because then the FBI will turn the Wrath of God on the Juarez cartel only, targeting its assets in the United States (which, in all honesty, they should be doing regardless).
Basically, the Juarez cartel wants to drag the U.S. into the Mexican Drug War so that it can bash down on the rival Sinaloa cartel.
Does it make sense? To me it does.
So crazy people who are calling on President Obama to invade Mexico — seriously, STFU. That’s what the cartels *want*. That’s how Al Qaeda dragged us into Afghanistan, and urban warfare in Mexico will be ten times worse than Afghanistan or even Iraq.
Also, if Republicans are *that* concerned about cartel violence, maybe they should be reassing their Second Amendment position on automatic rifles instead of engaging in ridiculous political theater.
Salt, Rage, and Getting Certified
So it’s been a while since I’ve issued an angry/neurotic dispatch. I should probably update this blog, and since there’s a lot of territory to cover, I’m breaking this up into several parts.
Part #1: If you are hypertensive, stay away from Salt — because all the awesome will send you into heart failure
Just saw Salt today, and all I can say is *damn*. I can’t WAIT to move to DC, especially if I get to see badass stuff like spies blowing stuff on the Beltway *every day*! New motivation tool for DC law students: if you ever think your life is a meaningless hell, just imagine that you’re an extra in an Angelina Jolie movie about spies. If that doesn’t work, then just drink.
Part #2: Standard subversive angry Mexican stuff
A judge issued an injunction blocking the most controversial parts of Arizona’s “driving while brown” law until the federal government has a chance to crap all over this deformed moon-calf of a law in court sue Arizona. Chances are this will go to the Supreme Court, the justices will pistol-whip Arizona with a good ol’ fashioned dose of federalism, and then we can all go back to watching the president talk about Snooki and Justin Bieber. Nothing to see here, folks.
By the way, we shut down our consulate in Ciudad Juarez over “security concerns”. You know, the same way we shut down our embassy in Yemen every now and then over “security concerns.” No biggie. Nothing to worry about. It’s not like there’s a war being partially fomented by bad U.S. policy to our south. Besides, if things get bad, we got Big Bubba and his merry band of neo-Nazis on riding mowers protecting our border by shooting at dehydrated old ladies crossing the desert in Arizona.
I feel safer already...
EDIT: I forgot to mention, the Juarez consulate is apparently the only consulate in Mexico that does immigrant visas. So now that Mexicans literally can’t get visas…yeah. Bad news bears.
Part #3: Actual legal work thingy
My case is going really well, but I am stressing a little because I have to get all my material in to my boss before I leave. Also, at her behest, we’re gunning to get me signed on as co-counsel to argue in court…even though I’ve never taken an actual legal course in my life. (And before I get any questions, yes, as long as I’m a law student, I can represent people in immigration court.)
At first I was kind of hesistant about the idea, because although it’s not like I’m some dumbass wino off the street who writes motions in crayon, I’m still two weeks away from being a 1L (which is technically the same thing as being a wino, from what I’m told). Although my boss has reassured me that this really is a good idea and that I’ll do fine, and even though I’ve been working in immigration law for a year and I know my stuff, psychologically I feel unprepared. But whatevz, I’ll man up. Got the green light from one of the deans at my school and now all I have to do is get the judge to sign off and hope I don’t make an ass out of myself in court. (To be fair though, I’m El Pasoan. It’s in my blood. In fact, if I’m *not* making an ass out of myself in front of an officer of the court, it’s a sign that there’s probably something wrong.)
Part #4: Death to fax machines!
I finally got my immunization records in, hopefully without having spammed the Student Health Center. Also, Dante was wrong. Satan doesn’t live trapped in a block of ice in the bowels of Hell. He lives in the fax machine at Kinko’s.
Part #5: The move
I officially leave the Sun City on August 15. I am excited, anxious, and terrified. Not helping the anxiety is that fact that my moving-in is also doubling as an impromptu family vacation. So not only must I arrange my apartment and awkardly try to befriend my neighbors, I also have to do that while balancing a mother who wants to take a guided tour of every monument with a teenage brother who despises anything “touristy.” Also, for future reference, I turn 22 the day before classes start. I’m getting old.
All It Took To Convince Me to Go to Law School Was a Juarez Car Bombing
So I know I haven’t updated this as much as I should have since getting back from North Africa, but the process of readjusting to life as usual has been a little choppy. It still trips me out that I have to wear seatbelts and that I can’t pee wherever I want anymore. Ahh, Tunisia. How I miss you. Anyways, here’s a little update on how things are going out here in my little corner of Texas.
There was a car bombing in Ciudad Juarez a couple of days ago. Yes. A *car bomb*. Baghdad-style (literally). Like a fifteen minute drive from where I live. The boss of La Linea cartel ordered it as retribution against the cops for the arrest of a Linea leader. If there was any doubt in my mind that I should be getting the hell out of El Paso and going to law school, that was pretty much the one thing that could convince me more than future career prospects, genuine intellectual interest in law, or the desire to not live at home anymore.
ME: “Well, on the one hand, I could be moving to a metropolitan city with a lot of hot, single people and getting my education, or I could stay here in El Paso and seguir siendo unemployed. Man, but I really don’t want to leave, I grew up here! Wait, what’s that?”
- “Ah. I see. *Calls up Southwest Airlines* Hello, Southwest? Yes, GET ME ON A PLANE TO D.C. RIGHT NOW!!!! SWEET GOD, I’LL DO ANYTHING! I’LL EVEN FLY THROUGH CHIGAGO IF I HAVE TO!!!!”
Now, I’ve had a few people claim that I’m being ridiculous about all this and that I’m an El Paso hater for wanting to leave. But after hearing about a CAR BOMBING in the El Paso-Juarez metroplex, I told myself, “Man. I’m glad I’m getting out of here.” And for those of you who buy into the El Paso Police Department’s bullshit propaganda that El Paso’s still safe and that there hasn’t been any spillover…uh, what about that kidnapping/murder in Horizon City where all the people just *happened* to have drug connections? Or the fact that the U.S. consulate worker who died in a March shooting was allegedly assassinated by one cartel for illegally providing American visas to members of another? Or the fact that “stray bullets from Mexico” just *happened* to hit City Hall?
My critics would say at this point, “stop being a pussy, bro! El Paso’s great, we’re one of the safest cities in the U.S. and there’s nothing to worry about. I mean, Juarez is TEN MINUTES AWAY, fool! It’s not like El Chapo’s in your backyard with a rocket launcher. And look at these pictures. It’s really not that bad!”
CRITICS: See? The guy who called out the hit on the consulate worker is safely in Stormtrooper custody! Nothing scary going on here!
CRITICS: See, fool? The Mexican military has this whole thing *under control*. They're even pointing their guns in the same direction, kind of! Chale!
CRITICS: Look how friendly those Juarez police officers are! And it's not like they're covering their faces because they're afriad the cartel will identify and kill them. They just really like looking like badasses!
Anyways, the point to this whole story being, I’m all excited to be moving to safety in D.C. for law school, far away from the border where nothing scary happens…and then there’s an earthquake. Figures.
(NOTE TO READER: I know that this is supposed to be a *law* blog about my legal experiences and opinions and whatnot, but in my defense 1) this did tie into law school tangentially, sort of, 2) I work in immigration law, so this is somewhat relevant to what I work with, and 3) I swear to baby Jesus that I will eventually write about law or legal stuff and not just on the drug war.)
Also, as a tribute to Africa, and maybe to lift the mood a little, I’m posting Shakira’s Waka-Waka. I’m in a post-World Cup slump. And Shakira always makes me feel better. In the words of YouTube poster artdiabolo: “YA ES EL MAS VISTO DE LA HISTORIA –THE NEW TOP ONE OF YOUTUBE HISTORY — FUCK U JUSTIN BIEBER !!!! ”
Fuck you, indeed.
Confessions of an Aztec Law Student 