Missy Smith’s Kafkaesque Bid for DC Rep
So I’m at the gym the other day at like 3 p.m.ish. I’m on the exercise bike, pedaling hard, I’ve got my iPod on, and I pump up the Taylor Swift Eminem to be deaf to the world. All of a sudden, I see this warning on the TVs, something along the lines of “The following commercial contains extremely graphic imagery, but this station is required by federal law to air it. Viewer discretion is advised.”
Intrigued, I keep looking at the muted TVs when all of a sudden, there are like five screens of dead fetuses intruding into my workout.
Bear in mind, my iPod is blaring and the TVs, as usual, are on mute, so I have no context as to what the hell is going on. Image after image of dead fetuses passes by silently until the phrase “paid for by Missy Reilly Smith for Congress” flashes at the bottom of the screen and a very angry-looking older woman who looks like she lives in a Baba Yaga house with chicken legs starts mouthing something incomprehensibly sinister.
Why does she smile so?
At this point, I’m very confused and trying to figure out what it is this woman wants. My initial suspicions were confirmed: she’s a DMV area Tea Party candidate for Congress. My other initial suspicion was confirmed when I realized she did, in fact, plan on using the dead fetuses for a dark motive. Not, not witchcraft. Something worse. Getting into the House of Representatives.
Now, I’m not going to wade into the abortion debate on this blog because that’s not what this blog is about. And so help me, if the comment section gets crazy I’ll shut it down. Nor will I even going to get into whether or not this is legal — Politico says it is as per a 1992 D.C. Circuit decision — or whether it should be legal (although, for the record, this ad was highly offensive. And I’m not going to whore myself out to her by putting a link to her ad, if you guys want it, Google it).
Rather, I think that we should we should all just step back, take a breath, and realize that this woman, regardless of where you stand politically, is crazy. I don’t say that because she has crazy eyes. And I don’t even say that because she would stoop so low as to use visceral and upsetting imagery to try and gain votes. I say this because she’s running for U.S. Representative for the District of Columbia. Who DOES that?! We don’t even get a vote in Congress! She might as well have ended the commercial by saying, “I’m Missy Smith, and I’m running for Queen of Narnia.”
In summary, this is her commercial: “Hi! I’m a grown woman whose name is Missy! Look at all these dead babies. OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!!! Now that I’ve associated dead babies with our president, you should vote for me so that the reps from Guam, Puerto Rico, and I can smoke outside of Congress like the cool kids in high school while all the nerds from other states do real work.”
Dammit, DC! I told myself I’d go back to Texas after graduation, but the more I realize how crazy this place is, the more I feel compelled to stay.
Confessions of an Aztec Law Student 
