GW Humbly Requests Your Wire Transfer of Monies
So while rocking out to Pitbull on my way back from the gym yesterday, I realized that it had been almost a week and I had yet to receive word from the GW Admissions Office that they’d received my $1,000 bribe seat deposit.
I know what you’re all thinking. Yes. I do, in fact, go to a gym. But back to the check. $1,000 is a not insignificant amount of money, especially considering that 15 minutes away in Juarez, you can have someone killed for like $20 and a six-pack of Tecate.
So I decided to get to the bottom of this and make sure it didn’t get lost in mail/seized by pirates. I started calling around. First number I called was a fax machine. Then I got the voicemail for career services. Then I got a scary robot voice that informed me I reached some guy named “J.D.”, so I hung up before the Terminator got a chance to finish saying “J.D. Admissions Office.”
Called back, gave the robot my number, and left a message asking if they’d received my money. All while trying to not sound effeminate. Anyways, something compelled me to check my junk mail. And there it was.
“##FIRSTNAME##,[sic]
Your second seat deposit has been received and forwarded to the University Cashiers Office. It will be credited to your fall tuition charges.
Further, we’d like to inform you of an investment opportunity. Due to changes in the Nigerian Civil Code, our father, Prince Abdul Hakim Mugabe, wishes to transfer €1,000,000 (1 million euros) from his Bank of Africa account in Lagos …”
GW really makes me feel loved.
Confessions of an Aztec Law Student 