A Pound of Flesh? Help Yourself to 10
So I just finished a mutual yelling contest talking rationally to my mother about my financial aid award package from GW. It was hellacious. I’ve had a colonoscopy before, and I have to say that was more pleasant than this conversation, because at least I got drugs.
After about an hour of being told that no woman would ever want to marry me because I’m argumentative rationally discussing my loan options and not deviating off-topic even once except to tell my mother that I learned how to argue from the best growing up by watching her confront cashiers at Wendy’s for being “out to get her”, I identified four issue areas that caused us some problems.
Please note that I love my mother dearly. She has overcome incredible adversity. I owe my success in large part to her. I admire her strength, wisdom, and compassion, and I would not hesitate to die for her. But sometimes she DRIVES ME UP THE WALL WITH HER CRAZINESS. Anyways, here we go.
Issue #1: I am not a financial person and am thus stupid and untrustworthy, even when what I say is backed up by facts
It does not matter if I point out where we can find all this information on the Internet. We should talk to the financial aid lady before reading that. And we should not try to prepare for meeting her or go in with even a basic understanding of what all this means. She works at the university, so she obviously has our best interests at heart and wants us to pay as little as possible. Also, my understanding of all this is fundamentally flawed because even though I made it into a Top 20 law school, I apparently have the mental capacity of a five year old. *She* heard differently, and even when confronted with mounds of proof that she’s wrong, she wants to hear the financial counselor tell her she’s wrong. (Because she’s never wrong.)
Issue #2: The Internet, federal law, and the Dean of Financial Aid are wrong. I can get more money if I just ask politely.
I’m eligible for the maximum amount of Stafford subsidized loans available to me. (Woot). However, my mom does not wish to believe that this is *actually* the maximum amount of subsidized loans I can get, even though it’s set by the Feds, even though I read her an e-mail from the dean saying it’s the maximum amount, and even though *she* read the e-mail herself. She thinks that if we just talk to the financial counselor, she’ll give me more subsidized loans, probably in the same brown paper bags that alcoholics use to drink whiskey in public. She also thinks they’ll take pity on me even though most of my tuition is paid for and I get an apartment for free my first year. Yeah, I’m a real sob story. “We’ll get back to you…after we stop laughing at your stupid request.”
Issue #3: GW is peddling lies with its cost of living estimates
GW released the estimated cost of books, health insurance, etc. for the 2010-11 school year. My mom thinks that these numbers are propagandistic lies inaccurate, and that if we talk to the financial counselor, she’ll give us the *real* numbers, which I guess she thinks they keep locked away in the catacombs somewhere. The counselor will know exactly how much my books will cost next year, down to the penny, so we should wait until we talk to her. And she definitely won’t tell us the same thing we found on the web site.
Issue #4: I should take money I don’t need
Based on these cost-of-attendance numbers (which as mentioned before are lies), there’s about an extra $900 that I’m eligible for, but probably won’t need. My mom says take it for an emergency, and if I don’t need it, oh well. The only problem is that it starts accruing interest from the moment I get it. So let’s say I borrow $900. By the time I graduate, I owe the bank $1,096.37. And by the time I’m finished paying off my soul-crushing debt ten years after graduation, I will have paid $2,110.96 on that original $900. That I don’t need. Even in the event of an emergency.
Now I’m sure there are a lot of nice things you could buy with an extra $900 in DC. Museum tickets. Concealed weapons. Several kilos of cocaine. A congressman. But I’m a 1L. Unless I can bribe a prof with it, I have no use for that money. I’d rather take that $2,000 and put a down payment on a Camaro after I graduate rather than blow that $900 on something like an XBox. Although an XBox would be cool.
In closing, I have to say 1). I am glad that I mortgaged enough of my personal life in undergrad to get a decent scholarship; 2). you cannot count on having a “decent human being” as your loan officer; you must approach the situation with cold, dead shark eyes; 3). some people might call all these loans “being shylocked,” but seriously, Shylock from The Merchant of Venice, that guy was just trying to make a living, and Antonio was an asshole, whereas this whole student loan system is really just usury; 4). I hope to baby Jesus this degree pays off.
Confessions of an Aztec Law Student 